Green Acres Is The Place To Be (LOL)

The Newest Additions to the DollHouse Farm 🙂

Well, here I sit, 1:39 am and wide awake. I had some rough leg cramps last night (up every hour on the hour) and I can feel them lurking about tonight, hence the alertness I suppose. :/

My Lord is SO good to me. Since I have moved my health has improved greatly. I am doing things that, back in January 2012, if you had said I be doing them, I would have laughed at you. For the most part I am sleeping better and am controlling things (bi-polar and other) without medications (which is a HUGE blessing!).

My landlord and I have expanded and now we have two ducks (Sally and Sami) and two chickens (Betty and Emma). And, in case anyone is wondering, I don’t have a problem eating animals that I have named…as long as they are livestock. 😀 However at this point, roasting anyone isn’t in the game plan; right now its eggs. Sami and Sally are so much fun to watch; I am really enjoying their antics in the kiddie pool. My landlord bought it for the dogs but that was a dismal failure; the ducks like it much better. LOL

We have probably close to 100 tomato plants, 4 blueberry bushes and probably 50 hot pepper plants. We are becoming regular farmers. Summer never looked so good! The pool has been moved to the center of the yard and now it’s warm enough for even me to get in! LOL Of course, I feel as if I don’t have the time to get in but I’ll get situated soon enough so that I will have time.

As per my previous post, I had stated that I would be starting a new blog to keep track medically. I really need to get on that, right? It’s hard as I find little time to post on this one. 😛 There truly has been so much going on!

The weekend before last my niece Franny came over to spend Friday night. We had a blast together! I am so happy that we live close enough now to spend actual, physical time together. I love all my nieces and nephews but I miss my three nieces so much – Franny, Virginia and Tara. They are more like little sisters than nieces. 🙂

Then Franny came back over Sunday afternoon with her three children: Jordan, Chloe and Preston! Love’em so much! My Jordan is gettin’ to be such a beautiful woman. It scares me sometimes just looking at her but let’s not tell her that. As for Chloe – I see myself but in her I see much more self-confidence and I am so grateful to Franny and her husband Don for instilling the children with that. It makes a world of difference!

Don was out of town so Franny and the kids came to visit after church. We had lunch with some church friends and the kids swam in the cold pool (this was before it was moved). Hey, they are young and hardy – they survived! LOL! Leona had made lasagna to share so we had that and it was awesome!

Another huge blessing of moving to Paisley is that I am close to my big sis so that she can spoil me with her cooking. She isn’t a certified chef for nothing. In fact tonight (Tuesday) I’ll be heading over for (wait for it) beef and red dumplings! Yummy! I know they say that a way to a man’s heart is through is stomach but when my sister is cooking, it works on me as well. 😀

Nermal, my domestic long-hair, had been acting horrible for a couple of weeks. I found a couple of lumps behind his ear so I think he must have gotten bitten by a snake or something. He is finally doing better and eating again. For a couple of days there I thought I was going to lose him and I wouldn’t have taken that too well.

Animals always make my world happier…sometimes more than people I admit. But, I am getting better with people – I think. LOL.

Till next time…faithwalkin’ 🙂

The Decision To Get Healthier – One Day At A Time

Well, after many good days and a few bad, I have decided that it’s time to jump on the program and get moving on getting healthy. I am so tired of doing well and then having one of those days that knocks me for a loop. I’m outside and doing small things and then I give Missie a bath (my Lab/Chow who weighs 60+ pounds). Of course, she’s afraid of water so I had to pick her up and put her in her kiddie pool that someone bought her. Yeah, 60+ pounds, I know. God forgot to start the switch in my brain that monitors pacing yourself. So after waking up not being able to move my back from the neck down and it taking till 3:00 pm today to get the back to move (the neck still ain’t listenin’), I have decided that I have pussy-footed around long enough and it’s time to put my money where my mouth is.

I said I was willing to live if the Lord would show me how to get better. Well, He’s in the process of teaching me and if I keep sittin’ on my butt doin’ only a little, I don’t think He’ll keep teaching me. I’ll be starting a new blog to help keep myself straight on what it is that I have done and need to do. When it shows up, please feel free to offer comments and/or suggestions…my ears are open to what everyone has to say. Can’t say I’ll do everything people have to say but…I’ll weed through those things. 🙂

*****

Started this post last Thursday. Fast forward to today, Monday the 23rd. I had a wonderful weekend with my niece and great-nieces, friends and other family. However, since I don’t always multi-task well in brain output, needless to say, this post and my start to my new health kind of got side-tracked. Also my back is giving me fits…today may just be the perfect research day if I don’t have to walk anywhere. I’ve got to work on getting to that finished post or publish button on the same day that I start the post. You think? LOL!

Paisley life is the good life. The kids are happy and so am I. For the most part I still feel better than I have in years! It’s like I said above, it’s only when I overdo that I have a problem. Can anyone say Sunday dinner? And I didn’t even cook; my sister Leona blessed me with a huge lasagna and banana/blueberry pudding and then a church friend brought Salted Egg with rice. We had plenty of food and I got to avoid the cooking completely. Thanks guys! 🙂 However I think that I’ll do some cooking next time and let someone else move the tables and chairs. See, I can learn from my mistakes; it just depends if I remember this mind conversation by the next time it comes up. 😉

Keep an eye out for the new blog. It may be a couple of weeks or so because I want to have all my ducks in a row (so to speak). I’ll be lettin’ you know. In the meantime, I’d appreciate your prayers as I lean into His understanding about my body and life, so that this is done in His strength, not mine.

Till next time – faithwalkin’ 🙂

Realizations…

But I have trusted in Thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Thy salvation. I will sing unto the Lord, because He hath dealt bountifully with me.                    – Psalm 13:5-6

Who am I to judge what is considered ‘bountiful’ in the Lord’s eyes? As most know, what we think about things and what the Lord thinks about things are two different matters entirely. In effect, I think that as humans we have tunnel vision when we think about anything…it all boils down to how it affects us and our lives as we know it. Even things that happen in another country, seemingly removed from our ken completely, can evolve into a personal thought process, “I couldn’t do that” or “I hope that doesn’t happen here because I like my life the way it is.”

I think of Paul in Philippians when he speaks of how the Lord has taught Him to be content,

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.        Philippians 4:11-12 (KJV)

The world today seems to go with the theory that if you don’t have enough “Stuff” so that it comes out of your ears, then you are underprivileged in some way. I am starting to pray the Lord’s Word back to Him during my closet time and I believe that as I grasp the bountiful aspect in my relationship with my Lord, my heart will expand as well as my giving. I am so looking forward to grasping each lesson He teaches.

I will leave you with a poem by Samuel Wilberforce:

Just For Today

Lord, for tomorrow and it’s needs

I do not pray;

Keep me from any stain of sin

Just for today:

Let me both diligently work

And duly pray;

Let me be kind in word and deed

Just for today,

Let me be slow to do my will –

Prompt to obey:

Help me to sacrifice myself

Just for today.

Let me no wrong or idle word

Unthinkingly say –

Set Thou seal upon my lips,

Just for today.

So for tomorrow and it’s needs

I do not pray,

But keep me, guide me, hold me, Lord –

Just for today.

Till next time –

Faithwalkin’ 🙂

Good-byes Can Be Bitter Sweet

Yesterday I traveled back to Titusville for the funeral of a close friend, Miss Helen. It’s amazing to me…at Christmas I came to visit my sister Leona in Altoona because she drove to Titusville and pick myself and my friend Shawn up, brought us to Altoona and then drove us back to Titusville again after the holiday. I didn’t have a vehicle to drive then BUT even if I had, there is no way I would have driven to Altoona and back again. I know it doesn’t make sense. I will drive to Maryland (a 17 to 19 hour drive) but won’t drive an hour and a half to Altoona? I am so weird sometimes.

Now, fast-forward approximately four months and I not only drove to Titusville, I drove by myself! What a difference four months and no medications will do. I have to admit I am lovin’ it! I’m not completely sure who I am in Christ now but I am enjoying the journey to find out. My horizons are expanding, my thought processes are changing – some due to the fact of no medications and to be honest, some are due to the fact of new friends that the Lord has placed in my life.

My God is so awesome and His timing is ALWAYS perfect in every way! If I had met the friends four months ago that I am meeting now, we probably wouldn’t have been friends because I was like the turtle that wouldn’t stick his head out of his shell. Truly, I still have my times…I’ll be moving right along and then I’ll just spaz out because for a moment or two I get scared – how do you explain to people (who truly don’t know quite who you are yet) that you are enjoying the new journey but sometimes it can be scary learning who you can be in Christ without any artificial mood stabilizers to help keep you “normal.” Well, as normal as one very backwards (in some ways) and in other ways jaded 40-year-old woman can be. 😀

Truly though it is becoming an awesome journey! I have no idea what my friends and church family thought when I came to T-ville Saturday. I hope that they saw what I’m feeling…that I feel better than I have in years; that I am finally, FINALLY learning to be willing to walk through the doors that I see the Lord opening! I feel confident in Him and actually for the first time in my entire life am starting to feel that I am fine just the way He made me. Now I’m crying as I sit on my front porch at 4:48 am realizing that HIS (not mine) strength is made perfect in my weaknesses. Although I am an imperfect vessel – I am where I’m at emotionally, physically and spiritually because of the choices I have made based on my past, my surroundings and those that have brought me up (not perfect people by any means – BUT perfect for me), He knows exactly where I am and He is with me every step of the way! God doesn’t make perfect people on this earth…sometimes I think He did us a favor with that; perfection in and within ourselves doesn’t exist and wouldn’t allow us to become truly sufficient only in Him.

Miss Helen always believed in me…just for me. She always said that the Lord’s plan for my life was bigger than I would allow. She knew that I was scared most of the time about the things I thought and wanted to try. The last time I spoke with her when she was in Hospice she reminded me that we only get one life here and I shouldn’t allow my fears to keep me from serving our Lord in whatever way He led me. She encouraged me to pray, try everything by His Word and then (in her words), GET UP and GO where HE leads me.

At 16 life as I knew it shattered. I use that word because I remember the feeling so well because I felt it about life occasionally since then. 😛 I know my sister remembers…when we moved to Florida, I dug in my heels; I didn’t want to be here. It was hot, humid and I really couldn’t stay out in the sun because it made me sick. I suddenly became this person who had no friends, no point of reference…I knew my parents were ill and I was, in a word, angry. Not at them but at God I guess; I’ve never actually put that into words before. The school here was huge – I had never seen that many kids in one place before and to me they all looked scary and well, mean. I was still pulling my hair badly then (trichotillomania), and was paranoid (no other word can describe my terror) of people. I was one of those that would walk into a room and immediately feel as if 99% of the people there were talking and laughing at me. Out of all the things that the Lord changed in my life when He drew me to Him & I accepted His gift of salvation, I am so grateful for the fact that with time, He removed that paranoia. It still surfaces from time to time and I’ll feel Him gently remind me that my paranoia is a sin, because it takes my eyes off Him, places them directly on myself, and refutes Psalm 139:14 because when I am paranoid, I am doubting what the Lord made when He made me. To be blunt, when I am paranoid  over what others think of me, it hinders my walk with Jesus because my flesh has taken over for the moment and people’s opinions of me become more important than what my Lord thinks of me.

Good-byes always make me go back in time, reflecting the whats, whys and when’s that made me who I am today. It’s probably universal…when I sit in a funeral service and hear about someone’s life, I always think about any regrets I may have if that would be me. It’s really not so much about what people might say but more about what I have or have not done before the Lord calls me home. There was a time when I thought I might I might be going home sooner than most. As it was said at the funeral yesterday, “To be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord.” I do indeed look forward to that day with great anticipation but now, for the first time in such a very long time, I’m not ready to go…I want to live first and seek out His plan for me, enjoying each step…the good, the bad, the awesome and the grueling. I can say with great certainty that the Lord’s timing is perfect, regardless of my penchant for trying to move time. 😀 Praise Him that He is patient, merciful and kind.

Oh, that I would allow the Lord His perfect timing…stepping forward with God-confidence into the design, tailored to fit what He would have in my life! It is not only my wish for myself but for all my family and friends. Life will never be easy but without my Lord, it would be downright impossible at times.

Miss Helen, I’ll miss you but I will always be grateful for the many years I was blessed to know you and your husband and the unconditional loved you shared with others. I am so glad that you are no longer suffering and reunited with your sister. I love you.

Til’ next time…faithwalkin’ 🙂

Who Am I? And How Did I Get Here?? :)

Wow! It’s been almost two weeks since I posted. Just where has the time gone? Truly the last two weeks have been busy but more from a mental standpoint I would say. Cleansing my body from medications brought so many things to light: new feelings, “normal” feelings, the desire to try new things (a major first in many years); I feel as if I am emerging from a very warm and fuzzy cocoon into the bright sunlight and my heart is starting to beat for the living. The only negative side effect I really noticed was the crying jags, which thankfully, have subsided. LOL. I’m being cautious, watching my moods and temperament; my sister has been enlisted to keep an eye out as well. I have always been good at monitoring whether or not I need medication to control those lovely bi-polar urges so I feel confident that I am watching well. I asked my sister to help because, well, even the best of intentions when coming off medications can backfire occasionally. Til’ next time – faithwalkin’ 🙂

Just How Many People Fit In The Doll House Anyway?

Last Sunday my niece Franny (she just moved to Florida from North Carolina) and her three children came over to visit at the Doll House. My nephew Billy was already here working on the fence and he has his wife-to-be and two of three kids. Of course I was here and Leona had come over to see Franny. So, total count at the highest…10 in house. Then the neighbor boys saw my oldest niece and all of a sudden my yard became the most popular yard on the block. 🙂 Ahh, to be a kid again…not in a million years, thanks though. 😀

Since I’ve moved, I have been feeling better. I have adjusted some things in my life to see what makes me more me. 🙂 (That should scare some people!) LOL.

So now I’ve been bitten by a different bug…the decorating bug is normal. Ask my friends…every time they come over I have rearranged something else. Well (woe is me) the new bug is decorating the yard. (well, what else do you call it?) Ah yes, landscaping. Here’s the difference: to landscape, you have to know how; to decorate the yard…you just go out and wing it…with everything. LOL.

So on that note…I can say that I finally finished raking the back yard and most of the side yard. Now all I have to do is where we moved the fence out to. However I can honestly say…that will be in a few days. When I finished working out there Thursday, I took all sorts of precautions so I wouldn’t be sore: hot shower, medication on muscles, pain strip, etc and I was shocked Friday morning when…it actually worked! That is (dum da dum dum) until I starting raking again this morning. 😦 OUCH!!

I mean honestly, I guess all in all I can say that I don’t feel too badly. It’s just certain areas which I should’ve known I’d have a problem with anyway. :/ Like my hands! Oh My Word!!! I have huge blisters and these things ache more than usual. I am sitting here asking myself, “Just how much of a weenie am I?” Come on…what happens when I get down to plant the flowers? Will I be stuck in the flowerbed until someone decides to come and find me? And remember, I don’t have a bunch of friends here yet…just me, the kids, my sister and my landlord. I would be stuck there till Sunday afternoon at least. LOL. On second thought…I’ll be taking my walker outside with me…just in case. 🙂

I am finding it immensely amusing that my Lord had to move me 68 to 80 miles (depending on the route) from Titusville, from my church and my friends to teach me things like patience and show me how to find joy & peace. 🙂 Please don’t get me wrong…I did okay in T-ville and nobody there stopped me from acquiring these things but me. 😛

I lived in Titusville for 24 years. Man, does that make me sound well-seasoned and wise! In that amount of time, I have made life-long friends, I’ve made multitudes of mistakes and enemies…I’ve made a life. I also made habits…I could go to anyone that I was close to (or sometimes not so close to) and ask for their advice, their help, their wisdom, their gossip…to sum it up, I could ask my friends and church family for anything. And yes, in most areas that is blessing. However, in my case, it also made it very easy to go to a physical person instead of dropping to my knees in prayer to my spiritual Father. I’m sure there is someone out there that can relate to this but when you are impatient and want an answer, you really don’t want to pray over that answer for days or weeks, you just want to hear ‘a’ answer so that if it lined up with what you thought…great – you were ready to go! And, if it didn’t, you could keep going to another person until you got the answer that you were seeking. I’m not saying that I did this consistently but I know I have done it and I’ve done it more than once. 😦

I think one of the things that I took to my Pastor more than once was that I wasn’t sure if I could hear God speak to me. And for those of you out there you think I have finally lost it, rein it back in; I’m referring to that “still, small voice” that you hear deep in your soul and brain. You know that one…if we are saved, we hear it unless we allow (intentionally or unintentionally) noises from the outside to block what He wants us to hear. Those noises come in many forms: worldliness, loud mind-numbing music, focusing on the wrong thing, meditating on anything that comes to mind, other than the Lord, and the list goes on. It doesn’t have to be loud to stop us from hearing Him, it just has to gain our attention for one minute and then we consciously or subconsciously choose to whom we will listen.

Well, I can say that I am now learning to listen. Am I always doing a bang-up job on it? No, but I am getting better. Hence the joy and peace that keeps creeping into my heart. I can almost imagine another me (my soul me, if you will) standing outside of my body, watching what I say and do as I stop myself time and again from choosing to listen to the world and instead seeking God’s Face on whatever it is my question or plea may be. I laugh at myself because I find myself sometimes with certain triggers that still prompt me to start to panic and think that I must have that answer now and I will start pacing as I think of who I can call to discuss it with. Please understand that I am not in any way suggesting that counsel is bad; quite the contrary…counsel is very good. However, if you haven’t even attempted to counsel with the Wonderful Counselor first, going to a person is kind of backwards because eventually you will have to face the Lord with your concerns; He has a way of putting you in a position where calling out to Him is your only option in the end.

So, I have actually kind of “watched” myself start to panic and then remind myself that this problem, situation or experience is something that my Lord already knows about (He even knows the outcome already!) so why drain my energy, my good mood and my health by fussing over something that may or may not even amount to anything when all is said and done. A side note: I think when we meet with Jesus face to face, we will find that most things we worried about or lost sleep over were things that, had we been listening to Him in first place, wouldn’t have even been in our life’s agenda. When we listen to Him, it doesn’t mean that we have no problems; it just means that they are there for a reason and if our Father in Heaven already knows…why are we worrying ourselves silly about it? 😀

So, day by day and minute by minute, I am learning to lean upon Him in all things. I am finding out that when I do so, I am able to bring my emotions back down to where the joy and peace that He has given me lie, waiting for me to get a grip on His reality once again.

Til’ next time… faithwalkin’ 🙂